I love long lost sisters!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 | 20 comments

I always knew that somewhere in this world I had an identical twin that has been mimicking my every move.......and TA DA! I was right! One of my sweet sweet bloggy friends found my long lost sista, and emailed me her latest diary entry! This story makes my heartworm meds and bat poop stories seem like NUTHIN!! I MUST meet this woman......

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Finish laundry, fix dinner, have a glass of wine, e-mail the grandkids. Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet before I go to bed' So I headed to the site of my demise 'the bathroom'. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax...all you do is just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or whatever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss....how hard can it be?I mean, I'm not a genius, but I can follow directions and I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK !?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together.Instead of rubbing them together, my genius 'kicks in' so I get out the hairdryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (Cold wax, 'Yeah right') I Lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. IT WORKS! :) O.K., so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't tooooo bad.I can do this, I say to myself with a proud smile. Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am SHE-RA, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of the smooth skin (Extraordinaire)!With my next strip I move north. I prep for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretch down to the inside of my butt cheek it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself.......RRRRRRRIIIIIIIPPPPP!!!I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!! OH MY OH MY!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the Strip. CRAP!Another deep breath and RIPP!Everything is spinning and spotted with bright stars. I think I may pass out...M U S T S t a y C O n S c I O U S...... M U S t- S t a y......Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe ____ _______ ______ O.K..... Back to normal! I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!There is NO hair on it!!!Where is the hair???W H E R E I S T H E W A X ????? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... IT'S NOT! I touch--- I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.I found the Hair... I found the WAX!!!Then I make the next BIG mistake....remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.Sealed shut!!! My butt is sealed shut!!! SEALED SHUT !@!#*! (not even air can get in there)! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself.P L E A S E-- PLEASE don't let me get the urge to poop! ....... 'My head may pop off!'What can I do to melt the wax? WHAT MELTS WAX? My brain is scrambling.HOT WATER!!! Hot water melts wax. I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub... Get in. I immerse the wax covered parts and the wax should just melt and then I can gently wipe it off, right? Yeah that will work!
WRONG!!!I get in the tub, the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water!!! Which, by the way........ doesn't melt cold wax!!!
So - now, I am stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!!God bless my adult kids who had convinced me a few months ago to bring my cell phone everywhere, even to the bathroom!!!!I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter....'So my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub! There is a slight pause....she doesn't know any secret tricks for hair removal under water but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located. She says are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?' She is laughing out loud by now... I can hear her!!! There is no shame in her disregard for my pain ...she is rolling over with laughter.....I wait. I give her the run down and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!! Right!!! I say .. I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various possible solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor.N O T H I N G feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in cold wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub, in scalding hot water, and then -try dry shaving the sticky wax off!!! By now the brain is not working,dignity has taken a major hike and I am pretty sure I am going to need
'Post Traumatic Stress' counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me and then I finally see my saving grace...THE BOX.. .the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax!What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY--OH OH MOMMASITTA !!@*! The scream probably woke my husband and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's soooo painful, but I really don't care.It feels like an earthquake is forcing my flesh apart.IT WORKS!!! It works!!! I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up laughing while trying to sound soulfully sincere. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair......THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.. ALL OF IT!!!So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.Next week I'm going to try hair color.......................................................

I am NORMAL!! I am NORMAL! I.AM.NORMAL!! My excitement right now is beyond me!

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SEE? I'm NOT alone!!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 | 5 comments

Ha! Ha! My best friend Lisa from Iowa just sent me this email.......She's going to KILL me for publishing it, but I am THRILLED to not be alone in this taunting game that our annoying ridiculous idiotic sweet loving adoring husbands think is sooooo funny!!!

............Jeff tries to annoy me the other way around. Wearing black socks with his tennis shoes. Completely nerdy!! Or even better, argyle socks with his white tennis shoes and his jogging/slicky pants. UGH!! We will be over to my mom's and he's sitting with his leg crossed, just like Craig in the picture, just waiting to see how long it takes me to "out him" and get ticked!! I hate to say it...but men are all alike!.............

Lisa, I feel your pain sista....I feel your pain. What can we do to embarrASS them?

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The Funny Award


My new friend Heidi gave me this award yesterday! Yippee!! I'm glad my dysfunctional crazy life made you laugh last week! At least when others are laughing it makes it easier for me to laugh!! ha!ha! Here's to many more laughs in the future! Thanks for the award!

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Monday, October 27, 2008 | 4 comments

Okay, this giveaway I am EXTREMELY excited about!! My mom is SOOOOO talented and she has FINALLY decided to open her own ETSY store which will be called "Whimsical Renditions by Sandi Lou Lou"
We have been trying to talk her into this for MONTHS now, and she has decided to give it a go!! Her stuff is SURE to fly off the shelf.....or computer screen...whatever!

To kick off her new endeavor, she is giving away this awesome canvas mixed media painting! (NO, please don't ask me what that means....ask her!! I would DEFINITELY screw it up!) Anyways, it is an 8x10 painting that can be hung, framed, or set on an easel. The value of the painting is $45. Please visit her giveaway post for details on how to enter........tell her I sent ya and you're GOLDEN!!! ha! Because I'm special like that.
Good Luck!! And way to go mom!! I LOVE it!!

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Thank You!


Trying to catch up here......My sweet friend Tonda gave me this award a couple weeks ago, and I have been negligent in accepting it! Better late than never though right?
Thanks so much Tonda for the award, it has been so much fun getting to know you the past few months, and I am glad we have become bloggy friends!
This award comes with a "duty", but since I have already done that here, I will not bore you with it again!! ha! Thanks again for the awesome award!
This next award I have received from Naomi and Lindsay. Thanks ladies!! You both make me smile EVERYDAY as well!
With this award I must name six things that make me smile. Narrowing it down to six will be hard, but here we go:
1) Carter talking without his top two teeth......it's hilarious!
2) Ava dancing
3) Fall weather
4) Craig being a DORK
5) Milk Duds.....sorry, I can't help but repeat myself here...
6) Reading the funny and sweet comments y'all leave here on this blog!
Okay, now I must pass this award to six other blogs that make me smile.....
I will choose Doe, Jessica, Heidi, Heidi, Susie, and Angela

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Oh how oh how can I count the reasons for loving this man....

Sunday, October 26, 2008 | 12 comments

So we were sitting in church today, and Craig kept fidgeting. I wasn't really paying attention to him until the fidgeting became obnoxious, and I FINALLY looked down in HORROR to his shoes and SOCKS!!! THIS is what he had worn today......WHAT is wrong with this man? Sport socks? White ones?
I looked at him with complete disgust. He had this HUGE smirk on his face and said "I was waiting for you to notice". He did it ON PURPOSE! I'm telling you, this man does stuff just to taunt me!! He knew darn well, you don't wear white socks with ANYTHING other that tennis shoes. And he ALSO knew I would have a fit about it.
There he was sitting in church moving around like a two year old hiking his pant leg up farther and farther just to mess with me! He pulls this kind of stuff ALL the time!!

One time we went on a cruise and the first day we were up on the deck he was strutting around like a fitness model. I mean chest out and head cocked. He would actually act as if he was walking the runway, and then would do dramatic turns. He wouldn't stop!! I was so mad and embarrassed that I just ignored him and acted like I didn't know WHO he was or WHY he was acting like such a fool. I ignored him for a good hour!!
THEN I SAW and realized WHY he was strutting in front of me (and the 4,000 other people on deck). The IDIOT had SHAVED his entire body!! I thought I was going to die right there!! Of course he had told his buddy Jeff what he had done (well, told yes, but HELLO....he had NO hair and he was in a swimsuit....I guess Jeff MIGHT have noticed, and maybe just maybe been slightly curious as to WHY someone would opt to do something like that. Though of course Jeff thought it was very funny, which DIDN'T help my case. At. All.:) and they were both seeing how long it would take for me to notice.
Well, the joke ended up being on him.......when three days into the vacation the hair began to grow back, and he was itching like a dog with fleas the rest of the trip!!!! ha!ha! You see...he doesn't THINK things all the way through!!! Like SHAVING HIS HEAD.....and now looking like a chia pet while he is growing it out.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH........Life with the Craigster. Ya GOTTA love it!! (well, I DO anyways!!)
Italic And this is just a picture I took of my precious preshies today after church!! Just because.

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Movies, Updates, and more Updates!

Saturday, October 25, 2008 | 9 comments

Yes, we went to see this movie last night. And yes,Craig went with us. He wasn't happy about it, but he went. Did he like it? Well, to quote him word for word after the movie he said, "I would rather light a ten dollar bill on fire and watch it burn slowly". Alrighty then! I'm pretty sure there are zero other interpretations of that statement.
(I have to admit though that if he DID like it, I would be slightly disturbed and have to question his manhood!!! ha!ha!) Did I like it? Ummmmm, well, not so much, though not to the hatred extent of Craig. I mean it is what it is. It's HIGH SCHOOL Disney intended for just that. It wasn't scratch the chalkboard bad, but there was definitely enough cheese in there to last a lifetime.
The kids however LOVED it. Ava, her cousin Addie, and her friend Macauly danced the ENTIRE time. When Carter and Ava got in the car the first thing they asked was when it would be on DVD, and when we could buy it! To which Craig said, "I'd rather buy you ten new WII games, then buy ONE of those movies....." ha!ha!ha! So, will we own the movie one day? Yes. Will mommy and daddy VIEW the movie ever again? No.
After the movie, we were introduced for the first time to RITA'S! It was awesome! Yummy homemade custard combined with Italian ice. WOW! Great new find! Thanks Pete and Hollie for the intro.....I think.......It just occurred to me that this is NOT on my healthy eating plan........oh crap.
So after a Looooong night of dinner, movies, dancing, and dessert, this is the farthest Ava made it when headed to bed. Daddy had to carry her the rest of the way. I love it!

Okay, let's move on to an update on the "monster experiment" that the Z house has been participating in. (If you don't know what I am talking about, you can read about it here.)
I have been so surprised at how this experiment has been working. (BTW....we start over every week, lest you think this is ALL the monsters we have gotten in three weeks. Trust me, we fill it and even have "I owe you's" when we run out! ha!ha!)
We have truly been trying to exercise self control in our home, and this has been such a fun and worthwhile way of doing so. But, you KNOW I have a reason for updating you don't you? And it most likely involves Craigo right? Yep! It sure does! Guess what his latest monster was for?
DANCING PROVOCATIVELY!!! Uh huh, leave it to MY husband to "do a little dance" in front of all creation to see. I can just see Carter going to school and getting himself kicked out of school for copying his dad, then saying, "BUT MY DAD DOES IT!" How embarrassing. Seriously, WHO does this kind of stuff?

(Oh, just a side note here, I'm fairly confident Craig DID find out about my latest "revelation" about him........I woke up the morning after he had asked me about my blog, with his BOXERS wrapped around my head!! And. Not. Clean. Ones. He wanted to know if THAT was considered romantic!!! Idiot!! He thinks he's sooooooo funny.......well, I'll show HIM funny. You just wait...........until.........until.........well, until I think of something. TAKE THAT Mr. Funny!)

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Moving on now from my previous post...achem....

Thursday, October 23, 2008 | 13 comments

I haven't had a random post in a long time, so here comes some randomness!

Fall seems to have finally arrived, and I couldn't be more excited. It has been absolutely gorgeous here the past couple days with temperatures in the high sixties and low seventies. The sun has been shining and the air has been crisp!! Totally awesome! I so love Fall. I can't wait until next week with school parties, costumes, and CANDY!! (Even though I am technically on restriction from candy, when those mini boxes of milk duds pass my way, I will NOT be resisting them!! muuuaahhhhhhhhhh (my evil laugh)) Good times next week!

If you use an electrical toothbrush, go try and brush your teeth without turning it on. It doesn't work (I mean like, you REALLY can't brush your teeth) and it feels very strange. I found that out last night when my battery went dead. Note to self: get more batteries before my teeth rot.

Hubs wants to know if I've blogged about anything interesting lately. Do you think he's asking because he KNOWS about my latest revelation and wants to know if I will admit it to him? OR Is this a new attempt towards ROMANCE...you know, like making conversation about something he could care less about, but knows I would enjoy talking to him about?? hhmmmmm... I'm torn.

I have become so totally addicted to Facebook that it's actually embarrassing. Last night I chatted online with an old highschool friend for over an hour. In the midst of that chat, I ignored three other people that were trying to IM me, all people from my past. ( Yeah, I sooooo can not carry on more than one conversation at a time! I could barely stay focused on the ONE I was having!) We took a LONG trip down memory lane, and I was laughing so hard remembering the shenanigans we used to get into! (big shocker, I know!) Anyways, I love FB and the reconnections that I have made. If you are on FB, I want to be your friend!!

I got my head stuck in a tricep machine today at the gym. Don't act surprised. Because you're not. Neither was I. And neither were THEY. (THEY, meaning the employees that helped me out of the dang thing) Don't ask me why I had my head where I did, because I don't know. And where was my "workout partner" you ask? Right beside me. Laughing uncontrollably. Not even ATTEMPTING to help me. Between getting stuck, laughing so hard my side hurt at my friend Robin while one of the trainers asked her why she had zero weight on her chest presses and she still couldn't do one, having to get OFF my treadmill midway through to retrieve an important paper that had fallen UNDER the treadmill, and thus apparently revealing my orange underwear to everyone behind us as I crawled under to get it (yeah, Robin waited until AFTER I was back on the treadmill to say to me "nice orange underwear"........she's a special one she is.......), our workout session was totally USELESS today! About the only thing that got "worked out" were our abs from laughing so hard. Oh, I almost forgot about the two sixty something year old ladies who walked by us and wanted to know if they could work out with us because we obviously knew how to make working out fun. We had to break it to them gently that in no way shape or form were we doing anything that would even slightly resemble working out today, and that they should run far far away from us and never look back. Which of course just led to more laughter.

My A.D.D has just kicked in, so randomness is over. The last thing I will share is an email that I just received. It is the first "political" email that I actually agree with EVERYTHING in it!! I hope you do too!!
1. The Bible will still have all the
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed teaching and healing.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.

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I interupt my regularly G rated blog for a little PG action....

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 | 36 comments

Yeah, he thinks he's so cool. He totally rocks the pink cooler!! Ha!Ha!

A few nights ago Craig and I decided to have a "check point" meeting with eachother. A check point meeting is where we get together without any distractions and just talk about us. We like to have these every once in a while to just make sure that we are on the same page, and to see if either of us have any concerns or needs that should be addressed. Basically, a time where we just make sure eachothers "love tanks" are full!!! (sound cheesy? You should try it......it's amazing what VOICING your concerns rationally and calmly can do for your relationship instead of keeping them inside and building resentment and bitterness towards eachother!)

Now, before I tell you what went on in that meeting, let me give a little background first.
I am NOT a big 'REAL' jewelry lover! (whoa....gasp! major shock! The absolute horror of it!) Yeah yeah, well, I'm not. It does not impress me. At. All. And yes, I realize I am a major minority among women... but, what can I say? I would MUCH rather have a top of the line vacuum, or a new couch, or a bar speed blender etc..etc.........you get my drift here. I used to think that I wanted a couple pieces from Tiffany's because it seemed soooo romantic to get that "little blue box", but after receiving two "little blue boxes" from Craig (and don't get me wrong, it was VERY sweet that he DID go there and get me things, and I sooooo love him for that), I realized that it wasn't the thrill I had thought it would be, and one of the things he bought for me has been worn about five times. Ever. (oh, the vacuum accessories I could have had....and STILL be using.....)
I have actually TURNED DOWN a pair of diamond earrings from Craig, so that I could have new living room furniture. I mean seriously, do you KNOW where an expensive pair of earrings would be right now? In my jewelry drawer. Or lost. No thanks. I'll go to Macy's and get some CZ's that look EXACTLY like diamonds if I REALLY want some. Which I don't.

Okay, so you get my drift right? Not. A. Jewelry. Lover. That being said, I do like romantic things. Romantic gestures. Romantic notes, emails....etc... Just not jewelry.
WELLLLLL, Craig's definition of romantic is a little different than mine. ( I guess he thought jewelry was the ONLY romantic thing there was to do, and I must have burst his bubble when I told him I didn't want him buying me anymore jewelry!) For instance, he thinks it's perfectly okay to say "you wanna a piece of me or what?" when he's "in the mood". I however can't stand it when he says that, and it DEFINITELY does not put ME "in the mood".

Sooooooo, back to our check point meeting. Me: "Well, I REALLY wish you would work on your "approach" to me, and try to be a little less OBVIOUS, maybe a little more ROMANTIC"
Craig: "What's wrong with my approach?" Me: "Do we REALLY need to go there? How LONG have I been talking about this?(8 years, but who's counting?) And just how often does that approach get you anywhere anyways?" Craig: " Good point. (duh!!????) Okay, I'll try to be a little more "romantic". Me: "Thanks."

Fast forward a few nights. We're lying in bed and I'm almost asleep, when I feel something "crawling" through my hair. Seriously it felt like a little mouse ratting and tangling my hair. Not only that, but there was thumping and tugging on my head going on as well. What in the world?
Me: "WHAAAAAAAT are you doing?" Craig: "I'm being ROMANTIC" Me:"Ummmm, by doing WHAT? Pulling my hair and flicking my head?" Craig: "I'm STROKING your hair, and THAT'S romantic!" Me:" THAT'S NOT STROKING, YOU ARE NOT BEING ROMANTIC AND IF WE TURNED THE LIGHTS ON RIGHT NOW THERE WOULD PROBABLY BE A CLUMP OF MY HAIR AND SOME OF MY SCALP ON THE PILLOW!!!!!" Craig: "Oh for gosh sake, do you want a piece of me or WHAT?"
Me: "What."

Ummmmmm, does anyone know where I can enroll him in a romantic101 class?

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How Rude Are You???

Monday, October 20, 2008 | 16 comments

Time for a quick check!
Last week while I was at the gym, I was watching Oprah, and the title of the show was 'How Rude Are You?'
This was the test she gave her studio audience. Apparently if your answer is yes to any or all of these, you are considered to be self centered and rude.
Here's the test.

1) Are you chronically late?
Everyone is late from time to time, but if you are chronically late it just reveals your self centeredness and lack of respect for other people and their time. (okay, so Oprah said this, but I happen to agree with her TOTALLY!)

2) Have you ever typed an e-mail while talking on the phone?

3) Have you ever interrupted a face-to-face conversation to take a non-urgent cell phone call? OKAY, THIS ONE IS SOOOOOOOO RUDE!!! But then that is coming from someone who does NOT let her phone (home OR cell) govern her life.

4) Have you gone through a supermarket 10-item express lane with more than 10 items?

5) While among friends or co-workers, have you yawned without covering your mouth?

6) Have you ever texted or talked on a cell phone in a movie theater?

7) Have you let your dog relieve himself on your neighbor's lawn? R.U.D.E!!

8) Have you ever cut in front of someone in line?

9) Have you ever stolen someones parking spot?

10) Have you ever let your child kick the back of the seat in front of him and not apologized to his victim?

11) Have you ever not RSVP'd to an event by the date requested?

12) Have you ever gossiped? YIKES!!!!!!!!!! RUDE!!!! Oh my, This one EVERYONE is guilty of. I know I am. shamefully.

13) Have you ever taken someone else's food or drink from the office refrigerator?

Okay, I just thought this test was quite interesting, and definitely thought provoking. Though, according to Oprah and the guy who wrote the book, a large percentage of Americans are so self centered that they don't consider these things rude, just a way of life. Interesting. What do you think?

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I've been book tagged!

Sunday, October 19, 2008 | 5 comments

My new friend Susie from Sincerely Susie Homemaker book tagged me! The rules of the game are easy. Grab the closest book to you, turn to page 56, start with the 5th sentence, and post 2-5 paragraphs.

Okay, I want to play fair, but was VERY tempted to cheat when I opened the book closest to me and read page 56. Leave it to me to have this stupid book beside me. I have to report that I am not actually READING this book..... My mother in law apparently was cleaning out her house, and came across some self help books on parenting to which she gave Craig(hhmmmmmmm.....moving on here....:0). I obviously haven't had the time to go through them and TOSS them yet......and this stupid one written in 1972 happened to be right beside my laptop when I received Susie's tag!!!......so...........here is page 56:

I have seen cases where male youngsters trained this way become sexually impotent later in life. I think they have become unconsciously accustomed to an external cue,passively offered,to start some internal mechanism of bodily control. these men always expected some external signal to set off a physiologic response. They do not expect to have to exert any effort. Since the same external apparatus is involved in sex as in bladder relief, it is understandable how conditioning urinary functions to a bell can in some way establish a need for some external cue to initiate sex activity. But in spite of my curiosity over the cause of the sexual problem in such men, and the clinical evidence I have just described, I have never prescribed a bell to cure impotence.

Okay this book is sooo disturbing in sooooo many ways. This particular chapter was on potty training. POTTY TRAINING? Because it didn't feel like that was what I was reading about AT ALL!! What kind of BELL is he talking about to cure impotence or to initiate sexual activity anyways? And what IN THE WORLD does that have to do with potty training?(oh how my mind is wandering right about now......I wonder what Craig would do if I started ringing a bell when we went to bed........."honey, the BOOK your MOM gave me said that if I ring a bell you would.............")
Yeah, this book will be in the garbage by the time you read this. Oh, and I get EXTRA CREDIT points for playing FAIR!!!! You can see why I sooooo should have cheated!

Okay, now I have to tag five people to play the game! I choose:

1) Danielle
2) Angela
3) Lindsay Ann
4) Heidi
5) Sandi

Y'all play fair now!!!

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OOPS! I did it again....

Thursday, October 16, 2008 | 23 comments

And so the story goes....

As if I needed anything else to add to my complete and utter confusion at the gym, guess what I bought? A heart rate monitor. Yeah....you know there's a story coming with this one don't ya? So, I strap the sucker to my chest which is somewhat strange to begin with, I mean it feels like I work for the FBI or something, and should be going under cover somewhere. (hhmmmmm, now THAT'S an interesting concept!) I put the watch on which was programmed by a trainer with my information according to the results from my physical evaluation test, and I was ready to go. Of course I never bothered to read the instructional manual because well, I never read manuals. When I got ready to start my workout, I started the watch to monitor my heart rate/calories burned/ and to keep me in the right zones. And then it began. The beeping. The continual, LOUD, obnoxious beeping. It scared me so bad, I tripped off the treadmill, and an ELDERLY couple behind me rushed to my aid (well, I'm not so sure RUSHED would be the correct term....they had to help eachother off of their machines.....but either way, they came to me.) I assured them that I was okay, but they were more concerned about the beeping noise. They wanted to know why I was BEEPING!!!! I had no idea, so I said my watch was broken, thanked them for their concern, and walked away. I was still walking around beeping, and since I was so embarrassed, I tried to find an area where there wasn't anyone working out. I started doing leg machines, but the beeping was making me lose count of my reps. Then I figured out that if I put my headphones on and turned the music up really loud, I wouldn't here the beeping. So that's what I did. I actually totally forgot about my beeping wrist. There I was gettin' my fitness on, headphones blaring, completely oblivious to the fact that I was apparently annoying the crap out of three people doing lunges beside me. Finally I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and there is this GIGANTIC muscle man and two sports illustrated swim suit edition type girls with him. Oh, Lord, what had I done now?? What in the world did they want with me? I pulled my headphones off. The man says: "Did you know you are beeping?" me: "Yes, I think it's broken." man: "well, can't you turn it off?" me: "ummm, well, no. I don't know how." man: "do you care if I look at it? I'm the metabolic specialist here, I know how they work" I gave him my watch and he started pushing buttons. He then laughed and said "who programmed this for you, they gave you zero heart rate range! That's why you are beeping, in order for you not to beep you would have had to keep your heart rate at 135 the entire time, and that's impossible!" Okay, this is where I should have just shut up and thanked him.....but OH NO, of course I had to open my big mouth. I was soooo nervous and embarrassed by this time, that I didn't really comprehend what he had said to me. For some reason I thought he was saying that my heart rate was too high (don't ask me why I thought that, I have gone over this again and again in my mind, and I still come up with NOTHING.....it makes no sense) So I nervously blurt out "Well, I forgot to take my HEART WORM medication today, so that might be why it's so high!".................... ................ ................. .................? .............???? ................. HEART WORM????? All three of their mouths dropped and they just stared at me. In that split second (you know like in slow motion??) I went back over what I had just said. I thought I was going to die. Right there. At the gym. Beeping. "OH MY GOSH, I mean BLOOD PRESSURE medicine!!" I tried to laugh it off, but the damage was done. All at once they started laughing. BIG time laughing. BELLY laughing. I tried to cover my unbelievable humiliation by laughing, but seriously in that moment, all I wanted to do was cry!! Man handed me back watch and very sarcastically said "Have fun!"

So FIRSTTTTT, how in the world did I get heart WORM on the brain??? And seconddddddd, why did I have to say anything AT ALLLLLLLLLL????? I am so mortified right now, he probably went right downstairs and told everyone who works there. I mean, I could hear all three of them laughing the whole way out. Oh no, and it just occurred to me that if they start swapping stories amongst eachother, they might figure out that 1+1=2, and that this is the same girl that laid naked on the locker room floor with hand soap in her eyes!!!!! OH.MY.GOSH.

Moral of the story? Read instructional manuals. This WHOLEEEEEE charade could have been avoided had I just read the ding dang instructions. I might NEVER learn......but YOU still have a chance! Go! Now! Learn from my ridiculous mistakes! And don't forget to check back here often for more tips.......I'm sure there is more to come! EEEEEEK!

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One more and a giveaway!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 | 1 comments

So my sweet friend Angela who is a mother of triplets, was reading my awards blog post, and she told me that I might want to check her blog as well. This is what I found!!

Aaaaawwwww Angela, thanks!! I love your blog too! Thanks for the AWESOME award!

Okay, speaking of Angela, she is hosting a great giveaway for a great cause over at her blog. Go check it out and get entered!!

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Hello! I feel very out of touch with bloggy world....for some reason I can't seem to catch my breath this week!! I can't figure out why I am so "out of it". (I mean obviously more than the norm here....obviously.) But, I have a lot of catching up to do, so here we go.

I have been awarded two bloggy awards over the weekend, so I will now gratefully and excitedly accept them and pass them on. The first award I recieved from my new friend Lindsay Ann in England. It's a FUN award too!! A BFF one!!! YAY! Anything that involves BFF's has got to be great, and this is a blogging BFF award!! Thanks so much Lindsay Ann!
The rules of this award are to pass it along to five other bloggers. Four of the recipients should be dedicated followers of your blog and one should be a "newbie" if at all possible. Here are my blogging BFF award choices:

1) Beki (this one is the obvious one since we have already named ourselves BFF blogging buddies!)

2) Tonda

3) Jennifer

4) Terri

5) and NEWBIE.... Susie!

Thanks again Lindsay Ann and thanks to my nominations for being such funny/fun/sweet/encouraging and wonderful commenters and bloggy friends!! (though I should say that while the rules only allow five, I could name thirty!!!!!!!!, so thank you to ALL who are so sweet and fun here!!)

The SECOND award I received from my friend Danielle who was one of my first REAL blogging buddies. (by real I mean that I met her through bloggy world, unlike my original readers who were all my friends here in the ATL!....and to think I used to make fun of people who "met online".....HA!) Anyways, Thanks Danielle for the sweet award!!

This award requires you to name six things that make you happy! The six things I will choose are:

1) My children (duh....but hey, THEY DO!)

2) My husband (duh again....but c'mon, how can I NOT be happy with someone who makes me laugh all the time? Okay, okay, so I'm not really laughing WITH him, more of AT him, but I'm HAPPY when I'm doing it!! ha!ha!.....I mean, you DO read this blog don't you? Enuf said.)

3) Fall weather. It's by far my favorite season of the year. Unfortunately here in Georgia we get very little of it, but what we get I cherish....and you will see that here on this BLOG if we ever GET Fall this year......which is looking highly unlikely right now in our eighty degree weather!!.....aarrgghhhhh......

4) When I make it through a workout session at the gym without tripping/falling/knocking over equipment/splitting my pants/dropping weights/losing my water bottle/SPILLING my water bottle/banging my head/throwing up/"tooting"/forgetting eye makeup remover/shampoo/underwear/hitting someone in the head while attempting to do a fly with free weights/or falling down the stairs AFTER I am finished. Okay, so I have never actually made it through a session without one or ALL happening, BUT IF I DID, THAT would make me VERY happy.

5) Milk Duds. Which speaking of, I am on major restriction from right now, so once again, this is a "what WOULD make me happy" thing......

6) last but definitely not least on the list today is YOU!! I love my bloggy friends and all of the sweet and fun comments and emails I receive daily from you!!!! You make me HAPPY!!!

To keep the award moving, I will chose six of my favorites (again though I have MANY favorites the rules only allow six!) Here are my choices:

1) Gina

2) Dana

3) Bethanne

4) Connie

5) girl

6) Jayne

Thanks for the awards girls!! It was fun!

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And the Winner is.........

Monday, October 13, 2008 | 5 comments

Thank you so much to everyone who entered the giveaway! .......I was going to use technoratti to tally the votes, but of course I couldn't figure out how to get the extra entries added, so as the entries came in, I manually added them to my basket. (Yes! I added 45 entries for sweet sweet Jessica who made my day with an awesome video!!)

Unfortunately there can only be ONE winner.........and that lucky winner of a custom made bulletin board is......... Hillary Hull!!! A fellow Georgian! Congratulations Hillary!! I can't wait to begin designing your board for you!!! Email me and we can begin our "designing"!!!!! YAY!

*I have received several emails asking if I do or would make these bulletin boards to sell. The answer is not normally, but because a couple people have been soooooo persuasive, I have decided to take orders for Christmas if you would like one. I can do all different sizes and designs, and depending on size and how detailed you would like it, I can work with you on the price. If you are interested please email me at heidizawisza@windstream.net . *

Thanks again to all who participated!! It was fun!

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Shake it Ava Shake it!!!

Thursday, October 9, 2008 | 23 comments

This afternoon I had the music turned up really loud while I was cleaning. Ava LOVES it when I do this, and we will dance all over the house together. Today though, she didn't ask me to dance with her. Before I knew it she was in front of the TV, using the blank screen as a mirror, and dancing her little head off. I acted as if I didn't notice her, and got out my camera. Not long after I started filming her, she realized she was being watched, and surprisingly kept dancing.
This is priceless. I mean P.R.I.C.E.L.E.S.S.!!! I have tried to get her to dance on camera for me before, but she never will.......I can't believe I caught this..........and she's in rare form too!!!! (her dream right now is to become a cheerleader/dancer, and I think she was incorporating both in her dancing today!! ha!)
Go Ava Go Ava GO GO Go Ava!!!

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Wet Field Trip

Wednesday, October 8, 2008 | 9 comments

Today I went with Ava to her very first field trip. The only problem was that it was a rain or shine OUTDOOR event, and well, don't ya know it rained the entire day!!! We were both DRENCHED by the time it was over! I feel REALLY bad complaining about the rain because we need it SOOOOOO much, but it made the day incredibly cold and miserable. On the upside though, we were able to wear "fall" clothes for the first time this year! But, back to the downside again, it's going to be almost 80 degrees tomorrow.....uugghhh, I am ready for cool weather PERMANENTLY!!! And I am SICK of summer clothing! Okay, that's enough complaining. I'll move on.
We went to a YMCA camp that "reenacts" colonial times teaching the kids what kids in that era did during the day, ate, did for fun, etc..... They were able to make these puppets, though I have NO idea what they had to do with Colonial times......I must have missed that part in the discussion. I was probably too busy trying to find my phone and shut it off after it started blaring Leona Lewis Bleeding Love right in the middle of a demonstration. OOPS! .........Though that was better than me ACCIDENTALLY breaking an "artifact" toy from that era!! In my defense one of the kids had knocked over the sign that said DO NOT TOUCH OR HANDLE, therefore I thought it was a free for all on the whole toy thing. Let's just say, the colonial "MA" wasn't too happy with me, she really takes her job seriously I tell ya! I don't expect to be getting any requests from the school to chaperone any future field trips....... Oh well that's just par for the course. For some reason I'm not that great handling responsibilities with my children's school activities.......read what I did at Carter's school here.

Is ANYONE else a magnet for disaster?? I'm begining to think that there is something wrong with me......PLEASE tell me you do these crazy things as well!!!! P.L.E.A.S.E?????? (oh, and ps. I'm pretty sure the bible says it's okay to LIE in these types of situations.....I'ts in Hosea or the Revelations or one of those hardly ever read books......)

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Random Updates

Tuesday, October 7, 2008 | 7 comments

Carter caught this fish a few weeks ago at the lake in our neighborhood, can you believe how big this bass is? I heard he had caught a big one, but until I saw the picture, I didn't realize HOW big! Of course Craig only had a disposable camera with him, and in typical man's fashion, thought that one picture would do the deed, but oh how I wish I had been there with MY camera to photograph this!!! I mean, that fish is almost as big as him! Craig said it took both of them in the boat to pull this sucker in. Anyways, WAY TO GO Carter!!! Oh, and that was the last picture taken before this...
...his front baby tooth GONE!!!! Oh my, I love baby teeth....and kids never look the same again after loosing the top two! I'm trying to prepare myself for the very large ones that are undoubtedly on their way in. It just seems that once the baby teeth are gone and the big teeth arrive, especially the front two, it takes years for their heads to grow into their teeth!! Oh well, you could probably care less what I thought of baby teeth huh?? Okay, moving on here...
Guess who's leading the race with the most "monsters" so far?? Yep! Little Miss Sunshine Ava Grace!!! Just can't seem to get the hang of self control. Looks like she should have been pink after all!!! Oh, and just for the record, despite their lack of trying, my family has not yet succeeded in giving me a monster. Though to be completely honest, I am on my way to drop one in for myself because I am on this crazy computer right now when I should be doing laundry. But for the most part, I am trying to be a good example and exercise self control this week.
Like yesterday morning for example. I woke up and heard Craig and the kids downstairs. Ava must have woke up early and instead of coming and crawling in bed with me like she usually does, gone downstairs with Craig and Carter. No big deal, I was sure that Craig would bring her up to me when he left with Carter. Except that he didn't. He took her with him to drop Carter off at school. Usually that wouldn't have been a problem. Except that it was. Today. Because sitting at the bottom of the staircase was Ava's car seat. Not in car. We don't have extras. I was F.U.R.I.O.U.S. I then tried to call his cell, only to hear it ringing downstairs. Now I was furiousER and went downstairs ready to POUNCE the second he came in the door.
As soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs that dang MONSTER jar was staring at me. Seriously staring. Not JUST staring, but DARING me to explode!
Now people, I have a competitive streak to me that had already kicked in on this whole self control thing, so after I finished cursing the monsters and telling them they could go back where they came from, I calmed down and waited patiently (okay SOMEWHAT patiently) for Craig and Ava.
In they came, and by the look on Craig's face when he saw me up and waiting, he KNEW he was busted! I VERY CALMLY and very MONOTONE like asked him if he had temporarily lost his mind this morning. "Calm down or you are getting a monster!" he says. Seriously?? WAS HE JOKING? ......I took a DEEP breath, and VERY monotone/stepford wife like again said "what was going through your head when you put our four year old into a car without a car seat? and at what point did you think that would be okay?" He said he didn't know the car seat had been taken out and by the time he figured it out it was too late. Which then led me to wonder what in the world he considers TOO LATE?? I mean was he driving down the road when Ava walked up to him in the car causing him to think...hhmmmmm, somethings not right here.? Seriously people, what about when he put her IN the car?? Did he not notice that he wasn't strapping her into anything? PA-LEASE!!
I really wanted to go "monster" on him, but instead I STARED at him (oh, you know "the stare" I'm talking about...) and walked upstairs.
When I came back down after he had gone to work I noticed the monster jar with a PINK monster in it. Then I noticed that he had written on the jar also. "Calling Names". Okay first of all I never called him anything, not even any of his usuals. A self controlled stepford wife would NEVER do that, oh no. And second, considering what he had done, the fact that I didn't bang the car seat over his head when he got home was COMPLETELY exercising MUCH self control on my part.
I did the only sensible and right thing to do. I got out the "goo be gone" and SCRUBBED OFF those NON TRUE words on the jar, and matter of factly REMOVED the pink monster. I then called him and told him what I had done. He told me that he would "get me" before the end of the day!!! (who did he think he was? The wicked witch of the south?)SEE????? He's losing all kinds of control just trying to get me to!
Ummmmm, let's just say that the next time he decided to "call me out" was even more ridiculous than this one......I was half asleep in bed last night and he wouldn't stop talking or "bugging" me. I kept ignoring him trying sooooo hard not to slap him, and then he gave up with a "That's it, you're getting a monster"...........Oh, okay, let me see you explain THAT one in our family meeting on Friday.
Obviously the monster/self control experiment is a huge hit here at the Z house, I just wonder where I'll be set up next.....my family is out to get me! In all fairness though, I AM putting one in right now because I should NOT be on the computer, I am DEFINITELY not exercising self control right now.

If you would like to see the video about the experiment we are doing, you can go here.
And if you remember a few weeks back when I mentioned BonJovi and church in the same sentence (shock! gasp!the horror!), and said that we had laughed hysterically at something that had gone on in church, you can go here to see what I was talking about.

Okay, that's it for today! I hope you are having BEAUTIFUL fall weather and enjoying every minute of it!!

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Monsters and Self Control

Sunday, October 5, 2008 | 10 comments


The Zawisza clan has taken on a challenge.
Today was the kick off at church of Kidstuf Live. This is a program they do once a month during the school year where Parents and their elementary aged children come together after church for a huge skit/program/demonstration/crowd participation of what the children are learning this month in their classes.
This was our first experience with Kidstuf since we are new attenders to this church. I had no idea what to expect, but definitely not what I saw. Hip hop dancers, rappers, and the funniest cast doing short skits that were hilarious, yet very direct and to the point of what they are trying to teach this month. Which happens to be SELF CONTROL.
The kids went WILD and I have to say Craig and I were laughing quite a bit ourselves.

So at the end of the program, each family received one of these Kidstuf Take-Out boxes. Pretty cool huh? The box itself was neat, but the contents inside and the simple lessons to be learned behind them are the REALLY cool part.
WARNING: THE CONTENTS OF THIS BOX COULD CHANGE YOUR FAMILY! I love the warning on this box, because if used correctly, it COULD change our lives! So what's inside??
MONSTERS!!! Lots of them! The illustration to help us understand the monsters is the idea that not exercising self control in our day to day lives can turn us into monsters!
You see, the challenge our family was given today was to exercise self control in ALL areas of our lives this week. In order to keep track of how well or not so well we are using self control, we are to drop one monster in the jar (that they also gave us) every time we or a member of our family thinks that we were not using self control. We are then to write the reason of our NON self control on the jar, and on Friday we will discuss these reasons together as a family and see what lessons we have learned from this.

Carter was VERY intrigued by this experiment, and wanted to know exactly what self control meant, and ALL the rules before he embarked on the adventure this week. We had a LONG discussion at lunch today about self control and all of the different areas in life that we need to be exercising it. He then ever so smartly started pointing out where mommy and daddy would be getting monsters this week. Ha! He's no doubt right!!

THEN Carter decided what colors would represent each family member. Red= Craig, Pink= Me, Blue= Carter, and Orange= Ava. Ava then said SHE wanted to be pink, to which Carter replied " you can't be pink Ava because there's WAAAAAAY more pink ones than orange, and mommy is DEFINITELY going to need more monsters than you!!" Uh huh. Thanks son. You're probably right, but YOU'RE the one supposed to be learning the lesson here.....right??......RIGHT?????...........................Yeah, that's what I love about this experiment, it's teaching us ALL a H.U.G.E lesson about just how "uncontrolled" we really are.

Craig and I have even "upped the ante" a bit by offering a reward to the person with the least monsters at the end of the week. needless to say, this week could get very interesting.

You DO remember whose color is red don't you??? Leave it to hubs to get the jar started with the first monster!!!! (20 minutes after getting home.....)
Yeah, well Carter wasn't far behind........and oh yes, the TEASING 'offense' is CRAIG's reason for being in the jar......... At this rate I will be heading to the store by tomorrow afternoon looking for more monsters and probably another jar to hold them all. Fridays meeting might be an all nighter.......I have a feeling the Z house might have a lot of "self control" lessons to be talked about, and YES that definitely includes me!! Though I have yet to drop a monster in the jar, I am SURE by my next report on this matter, there will be PLENTY!!!

How many monsters would you drop today?

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