Seriously? Seriously.

Here we go again...and let me preface this post... if somebody doesn't fess up soon to deliberately trying to sabotage me, I am seeking professional help IMMEDIATELY! Because I must OBVIOUSLY need it!

This morning I was being SOOOOO good by dropping Ava off at school and heading straight to the gym. I even had a bag packed with clothes so that I could just shower there instead of having to come back home.

So after my workout I headed to the locker room for my shower. I grabbed a towel and proceeded toward the showers. I had forgotten to bring my shampoo with, so I went back to get it. Only to find that I had not even brought any....Ugghh....Now what? The sweaty nasty clothes had already been discarded and rolled up in a ball, and there was NO way I was putting on clean clothes the way I felt. NOT washing my hair was NOT an option either, because I had worked out the night before, and used UP that option on Tuesday night. This was workout # 2 with the same hair.......yeah, totally needed to be washed.

I begrudgingly unrolled the sweaty smelly clothes and put them back on....GROSS!!!! BUT, it had to be done. I walked out of the locker room, and over to the spa that is inside the gym. I thought I was going to have to buy a brand new bottle of shampoo, but they were so nice and gave me a small sample of some. (everybody say aaaaawwwwwww......)

There! problem solved. I took my shower, and then went to wash my face........... .......... ........... .......... Ummmm,......... NO FACE SOAP! I looked in the mirror, and well, that's where things went downhill. You see, I don't wash my face before I go to bed at night...(gasp! Horror! shock!)...Sorry, I just never have. So of course after a workout AND a shower, I had black sweaty/wet mascara circling my eyes and dripping down my face. Now ladies, you KNOW that water alone does NOT remove this stuff from your face. (probably because mascara is made of BAT POOP!! UH HUH....totally serious here....google it...YOU'LL SEE!!!)

So there I am with bat poop running down my face wondering if I could just get through ONE day without some sort of catastrophe. I desperately started looking around to see if anyone else might just happen to be getting ready and I could MAYBE borrow some face soap or something. NOPE! No one. Zippo. Zero. Zilch. I looked in the mirror again (don't ask me why, I guess I was hoping that God felt sorry for me, and had zapped the bat poop off my face) only to confirm that I could NOT walk out of there looking like that!

Okay.....HERE is where insanity took over. In my defense, I WAS desperate, but in hindsight bat poop covered eyes really aren't that bad compared to what I left with.

I went over to the sink, squirted out some hand dispenser soap and slapped it right on my eyes without even "testing" it first............. Oh my GOSH!!!!!! How many different ways can you spell P.A.I.N???? And I mean SEVERE pain!!!!

I thought I was going to have to call 911 from the locker room! (can you imagine THAT conversation? "Excuse me, but I had bat poop in my eyes to which I tried to remove by liquid hand soap, and now I'm pretty sure one or both of my eyeballs have sizzled up and fallen out, but I don't know that for sure because all I see is pitch black and I'm stuck in a locker room.....if you have a sec, can you come get me?".....) I started dunking my face and head in the sink trying desperately to flush my eyes out. Every time I would swing my head back up, I would spray water everywhere, leaving a HUGE wet slippery mess.

By this time, I had a small audience....I mean, where were they when I needed to borrow their products??? OF COURSE they show up for the fireworks. (no pun intended.....since my eyes were ON FIRE!) And now I know how the man along the road in the bible with leprosy felt when no one offered him help. They all just looked at me like I was a zombie or something. (LIKE they've never seen anyone with devils eyes and poop running out of them.....GEEZ give me a break! psshhttt...) Well, all except the sweet "towel porter" who kindly asked me in her broken English if I needed some help. As I looked at her through the very small slits of my eyes, I lied and said no thank you.

After sitting and trying to regain some composure, I managed to get dressed (oh yeah, did I forget to mention that this all happened naked??.......... surely you didn't think I would be able to maintain even an ounce of dignity here did you??). I then put on my sunglasses, and walked out. Head held high. VERY high.