Wednesday, September 24, 2008 |

Ok, there is a reason for this picture, but before I SHARE that reason, you must raise your right hand and repeat after me. Okay?
Ready? Right hands raised? Repeat this: "I, fellow stalker, I mean blogger, being of a sound mind...(oh scratch that part, might as well not make you swear to something that not even I can be honest about......let's just get to the jist of this...) I do solemnly swear that I will NEVER and I mean NEVER repeat this story to Heidi's husband Craig. I understand that he must never be informed of this small little post. I agree to keep this story within the walls of my own thoughts, and NEVER discuss this past the safety of this blog."
So is everybody on the same page here? If you can not keep this promise, then please leave the blog IMMEDIATELY and forget you ever saw anything!!!!

Okay, here we go.
Craig has a major problem of sleep walking, talking, yelling.....basically he's a nightmare to sleep with. (no pun intended) He has suffered from these sleep conditions since he was a child, he even fell off a hayloft when he was a boy, and continued to walk out of the barn waking up in the middle of a field while spending the night at a friends farm one time.
So of course since we have been married, I have been awakened to MANY different things in the middle of the night. Once when I was pregnant with Carter I woke up to a conversation he was having "on the phone" with someone, and I kid you not, this is what he said "yeah, man she's HUGE, I never KNEW a persons belly could look like that....pause......NO man, that DEFINITELY isn't happening" (assumption? s.e.x. .....what else DEFINITELY wouldn't be happening????) this is the point where I kicked him into an oblivion reality where he completely denied saying those things, and couldn't figure out why I was FUMING, and then was mad at ME for waking HIM up!!!

I have also awakened to him just sitting in the bed appearing to be "watching" me. Now let me tell you, that will MESS you up for REAL! I about came unglued the first time it happened screaming and scratching at him. All the while he is completely oblivious to what is going on due to the fact that he is SLEEPING!

BUT, the funniest thing that he does, and this is where your solemn oath comes in, is that probably a minimum of twice a week he gets out of the bed and walks to the bathroom sitting down on the toilet. He then continues to sit there and GRUNT a little....(btw...I'm laughing so hard right now I can barely type this...), he then spins the toilet paper roll around and around for maybe about thirty seconds or so. Now the kicker of all this is that he NEVER actually GOES to the bathroom. He just 'PRETENDS'!!!! He then stands up and returns to the bed. The reason I know this is all pretend, is that after about the fiftieth night of hearing this early in our marriage and thinking "who in the world has to do THAT in the middle of the night EVER, let alone several times a week?", I started getting up when he did and following him into the bathroom. I did this for about four nights, confirming that he was completely asleep and actually had NO idea that I was in there with him. I watched the WHOLE SCENARIO!!! It is totally OFF THE HOOK and UNBELIEVABLE to watch someone doing things they have no idea they are doing.

We have been married eight years, and this has been a "sure thing" all eight years. I am blogging about it now because it happened again last night, and while I was giggling to myself while he was "in the bathroom", I thought I JUST HAVE to blog about this!!!!

Now remember your OATH!!!!!

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  • Danielle (Life with the Hewitt Family)

    This is so funny! I have to admit I did break the oath because I was laughing so loud one of my co-workers asked what was so funny and I had to share...but don't worry I left you and your husband's names out of the story (hahaha). My husband has done some strange things while he was asleep. Right after we were married he was out of the bed and yelling at me to get out before "it" got me...I started to get out of bed and he yelled at me to stay low and get out on the other side or it was going to get me. I slide across the bed real low, went over to him, turned on the light. He then started talking about the bees going toward the light? I am totally lost and am thinking that there are bees in our room...eventually he wakes up and looks at me like I am an idiot! I wish I had that entire thing on video...I laugh so hard I get tears every time!

  • Anonymous

    As always I can count on you to make me laugh. Doug does crazy things in his sleep. The best part about it is that I can hold a conversation with him when he starts sleep talking.

  • BethAnne

    Ummm, yeah, I will definitely keep this one to myself....There are so many things I want to say to this, but none of them are very lady like...I suppose you should be glad that he goes into the bathroom and actually DOES NOT do "pretend" to do his bidness in the bed - that could cause major trauma......I am thinking he might need to seek treatment for this sleep walking problem before he goes too far.......Thanks so much for sharing - we will be praying that your sleepwalking husband will not relieve himself in your bed......ya know, sometimes you say things you never thought you would are hilarious and I hope he never finds out you told this because he might leave you.

  • ShortOne

    your life is crazy - how do you survive.

    this is too funny, but my lips are sealed!

  • Hannah

    Seriously.. Why have I never heard these stories before? I have been laughing so hard! Too Funny!

  • Sandi Hixson
  wait a minute........come on! i'm with Hannah......why have we NEVER heard these hush hush stories before????.....hmmmmmmmm
    well......i am lol-ing myself to death on your blog, as well as the comments........ should hear the stories about your DAD, at night, while he is dreaming, and talking, and carrying on......oh my.....if anyone knew....he would be committed......

  • TUTU Monkey

    That is so funny!!!!.......That must be a trip to sleep with......I had a sleep walking/talking roommate in college and it kind of freaked me out....hope allis well:)

  • Heidi Zawisza

    Ok, to my dear sweet mother and sister.....why do you think I haven't told you this before???? Why do you think people have to take an oath to read this?.....because Craigo is going to KILL me!!! I think it is hilarious that he does this, but he's embarrassed!!
    GREAT!! I can just tell the secret is OUT, I knew this was a mistake.....hee hee hee
    I'm going to have to tell him about this post...BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES!:) Try to hold off Dad and Josh as long as you can...............yeah right!
    I have to STOP blogging impulsively!!.......yeah right again!!

  • Josh

    Holy crap, there's got to be a prank in this somewhere.....


  • Anonymous

    OMG, that is so funny and crazy!

    Your blog rules! To meet you someday would be so great! You seem like such a fun, funny, good person. :-)

  • Ivette Falcon

    Yep, you're dead meat for sure!! :)
    That story was toooo funny. Wow, we have really boring sleep patterns here in our house!(aside from the occasional child yelling in his sleep.)

  • Patricia

    So, you know there is people like that who stab the people they share a bed with, right? I saw an entire 1 hour TV show about this. At least one of them mentioned the strange staring. I would sleep with some steel armor. Better yet, in a separate room with an armored door.

  • Anonymous

    How much is it worth to you for me to keep my mouth shut??!!