Ok, there is a reason for this picture, but before I SHARE that reason, you must raise your right hand and repeat after me. Okay?
Ready? Right hands raised? Repeat this: "I, fellow stalker, I mean blogger, being of a sound mind...(oh scratch that part, might as well not make you swear to something that not even I can be honest about......let's just get to the jist of this...) I do solemnly swear that I will NEVER and I mean NEVER repeat this story to Heidi's husband Craig. I understand that he must never be informed of this small little post. I agree to keep this story within the walls of my own thoughts, and NEVER discuss this past the safety of this blog."
So is everybody on the same page here? If you can not keep this promise, then please leave the blog IMMEDIATELY and forget you ever saw anything!!!!
Okay, here we go.
Craig has a major problem of sleep walking, talking, yelling.....basically he's a nightmare to sleep with. (no pun intended) He has suffered from these sleep conditions since he was a child, he even fell off a hayloft when he was a boy, and continued to walk out of the barn waking up in the middle of a field while spending the night at a friends farm one time.
So of course since we have been married, I have been awakened to MANY different things in the middle of the night. Once when I was pregnant with Carter I woke up to a conversation he was having "on the phone" with someone, and I kid you not, this is what he said "yeah, man she's HUGE, I never KNEW a persons belly could look like that....pause......NO man, that DEFINITELY isn't happening" (assumption? s.e.x. .....what else DEFINITELY wouldn't be happening????) this is the point where I kicked him into an oblivion reality where he completely denied saying those things, and couldn't figure out why I was FUMING, and then was mad at ME for waking HIM up!!!
I have also awakened to him just sitting in the bed appearing to be "watching" me. Now let me tell you, that will MESS you up for REAL! I about came unglued the first time it happened screaming and scratching at him. All the while he is completely oblivious to what is going on due to the fact that he is SLEEPING!
BUT, the funniest thing that he does, and this is where your solemn oath comes in, is that probably a minimum of twice a week he gets out of the bed and walks to the bathroom sitting down on the toilet. He then continues to sit there and GRUNT a little....(btw...I'm laughing so hard right now I can barely type this...), he then spins the toilet paper roll around and around for maybe about thirty seconds or so. Now the kicker of all this is that he NEVER actually GOES to the bathroom. He just 'PRETENDS'!!!! He then stands up and returns to the bed. The reason I know this is all pretend, is that after about the fiftieth night of hearing this early in our marriage and thinking "who in the world has to do THAT in the middle of the night EVER, let alone several times a week?", I started getting up when he did and following him into the bathroom. I did this for about four nights, confirming that he was completely asleep and actually had NO idea that I was in there with him. I watched the WHOLE SCENARIO!!! It is totally OFF THE HOOK and UNBELIEVABLE to watch someone doing things they have no idea they are doing.
We have been married eight years, and this has been a "sure thing" all eight years. I am blogging about it now because it happened again last night, and while I was giggling to myself while he was "in the bathroom", I thought I JUST HAVE to blog about this!!!!
Now remember your OATH!!!!!