Twililght Zone or Candid decide.

Thursday, September 4, 2008 |

So I spelled t-shiRt wrong.......thought about changing it, but since it has brought SOOOO much joy and laughter into your homes, I will leave it!! ha!ha!.......I probably subconciously spelled it that way on purpose due to the day I was having anyways:) Besides, by this time it has just become part of the original!! hee hee hee .......(and I guess spell check wouldn't have caught it since it IS a real word!!!!)

Let me indulge you in my day, and I WISH I were exaggerating here.
FIRST, I woke up this morning thinking it was Friday. Not good. Because on Fridays Ava doesn't have school. On THURSDAYS she does. Do you get where this is going? Luckily I figured it out (much to my dismay though..), and raced her to school only to be a couple minutes late.

On the way home I happen to catch a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror, and gasped in horror at the reflection. Obviously in my haste to get Ava to school, I neglected my own personal hygiene, which would include anything that had to do with a toothbrush, washcloth, or comb for heavens sake.
Then I started to get that real uneasy feeling as I slowly lowered my eyes to view my "clothing".....uh huh...pajama bottoms and t-shit, which wouldn't have been THAT bad......had I remembered to at least put a bra on........ "Dear Lord, PLEASE don't let me get pulled over right now......PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!" And what in the world did the car pool lady think??
I made it home. Without getting pulled over. But this is only a fraction of my day thus far.

I THEN decided that I would be all Betty Crocker and all, and make dinner in the crock pot for tonight. I had some frozen chicken in the freezer, so I got it out and started running hot water over it to "loosen" it up and throw in the pot.

Now, why in the world do they put those nasty white styrofoam/paper things on the bottom of chicken breasts? I absolutely can't stand those things, and they almost make me throw up every time I cook chicken (which is not that often mainly because of those darn chicken breast maxi pads). Anyways, pulling them off of frozen chicken is unspeakable and nobody should ever have to be subjected to do so.

I put some cream of chicken and salt and pepper in, and thought I would add a "little" fresh garlic. OKAY PEOPLE.......I must have added a bit too much, because I now can't even open my eyes in my own house due to the garlic fumes. I am currently typing in the way opposite end of the house from the kitchen.
I seriously have zero cooking talents. I should just stick to what I know best, like supporting my A.D.D. habit or something.

Crisis Numero Three. Because I decided to cook, clean, shower, AND check facebook, all before the witching hour of noon when I needed to get Ava, I was running a bit late. I jumped in my van( which by the way my sister in law thinks I'm too sexy for my mini van....but what she doesn't see is the LOOKS I get while driving that bad boy!!.....of course it just occurred to me that those looks might be due to my lack of discretion with my appearance as I drive around......and now that I'm thinking about these looks, they really aren't "come to me baby" looks.....more like "what asylum did you escape from, and please don't come near my children"looks................:), and grrrrrr......grrrrrrrrr.....whirrrrrrrrr.....whirrrrrrr......IT WOULDN'T START!!!! Pure panic set in, because I was already late, and there was no way to get Ava.

I ran across the street to my neighbors house, and start banging on the door. Her blinds and windows were all wide open, so I peer through the blinds on the front door. Big mistake. She's vacuuming naked. Yep! middle of the clothes on. Okay, I seriously didn't have time for this, and WHO does this anyways?..... At this point, I am looking around for hidden cameras or something......I mean FOR REAL??????? The sad answer to that is yes, but that in and of itself is a whole other post.

I awkwardly and impatiently await an answer at the door (because HELLO, she couldn't hear the door due to the vaccuum). Her 3 year old daughter finally answers wearing a WOOL turtle neck sweater. Now I KNOW I have just entered the twilight zone or something. I mean her mom is el commando....and she is in wool. And I thought OUR family had issues. Oh, and it's only ninety something degrees out.........

Anyways, I ask to borrow her van so that I can go get Ava. To which she obliges. When I get to school (and of course Ava is last in the class to get picked up.....), I was walking back out to the car and realized that I had no car seat for Ava due to the fact that little wool wearing sweater girl apparently was part of the deal of letting me borrow the car, and she came WITH the car. SHE was in the one and only carseat. UUGGGHHHHHHH......... Luckily a teacher was walking behind me as I came to this realization, and she had an extra car seat in her car that she let me borrow.

We arrived home, and there to meet me was Craig and his coworker Moses (yes, his name is Moses....moving on now...). They were there to jump the car and go get a battery for it. When they returned, Moses opened the garage door, and Lilly (our dog) barked so loud that it scared me, causing me to drop the entire crate of eggs that I was putting away in the refridgerator. Eggs spilled down the shelves of the fridge, and ALL over the floor.
C'mon people!! At this point, I was about to call it a day and lock myself in my room.

Oh, this ALL happened before one oclock this afternoon. So tell me......when does Candid Camera finally come out of the bushes and yell GOTCHA???????

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  • Anonymous

    I love reading your blogs. You andyour family are adorable and quite often you have given me many smiles (and laughs)...I'm sorry to give you number four...but you might do a spell check on the t shirt word! Have a fantastic Friday, and please keep blogging for us to enjoy!

  • Anonymous

    ps... this one rates as good as your description with the Disney/corn starch experience!

  • Anonymous

    So, how did the rest of the day go? I am laughing so hard that I am about to pee in my pants. BTW, I know people who if they are at home by themselves walk around naked. Beware next time you look inside.

  • Ashley Gibson

    Hey! I am laughing so hard I could almost die. I cannot imagine looking through any of my neighbors windows and see them naked. I would need psychotherapy if I did. Sorry you had an awful morning.

  • Cindy

    You are too, too funny. Your posts are always so entertaining. I hope your day got a little more dull.

  • Jennifer

    Ok, seriously that made my day! I'm sorry you had those experiences though. I"ve had the day from HE double toothpick and was ready for bed by 1 this afternoon myself! Imagine 'coach wars' on the cheerleading squads, hubby with PMS (LOL), and having to deal with my precious princess being scared of PE at school! Who is scared of PE?? Wow, only my daughter. So I'm SOOOO ready for bed! But at least I didn't see my nekid neighbor! ROFL Hope tomorrow is better for us all!

  • Sandi Hixson

    okay....that was ONE funny knocked it out of the park again.......but WHAT i am really laughing about is your mispelling of t-shirt.......that is the funniest EVER EVER EVER.........

  • ShortOne

    OMG! This is just too funny! I am so sorry you had to live thru all of this, but look at it this way - it brought such joy to those of us reading.

    OK - the naked neighbor - too much. I have heard of those walking around naked when home alone, but w/the blinds open & a 3 yr old at home?!

    hope the rest of your day was better!

  • Anonymous

    Sorry but that is funny. I mean, just how your write it is so funny. I hope your day got better. And about your neighbor, oh my, did she explain why she was, um, well, naked!? LOL.

  • Sockrma18

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Sockrma18

    OOPS....deleted my comment on accident??? Weird...

    That is soooo funny. I thought I couldn't laugh anymore 'til I went back up and read your spelling of t-shirt! UGH!!! I know it's not nice to laugh when others are having a bad day but I am laughing WITH you, I promise. Hope today is much better!

    Note to self: vaccuum with the blinds closed...and in clothes. :)

  • Anonymous

    I was reading along, imagining with each drama that the last line would end with the words "And then I woke up!" There are just some days - and I had one three weeks ago - where staying in bed just should not be a question!!!

    PS How are your eyeballs after the viewing of Lady Cadiva?!!!

  • Cinnamon*Sticks Boutique

    WoW Heidi!!

    I'd have just climbed back in bed!!
    I wikk never ever look in someones else's window again. How did you manage to ask for the car with out blurting out "Seriously CLOSE THE BLINDS!"
    Hope today is better!

  • Ivette Falcon

    Girl, you need to draw yourself a big bubble bath and pour yourself a big, ice cold margarita and start your day over again!!! That is just tooo funny. Hope today was a little more dull.

  • Bunny Chic Boutique

    That story was hilarious!! I'm the only one that didn't notice that you spelled t-shirt without the r.

    I'll have to go find your Disney World ~ Corn Starch Post.

    Can't wait to read all about your exciting weekend ~

    Bunny Hugs ~


  • David, Tammy, Megan and Hobbes

    I almost spit my hot chocolate out my nose when I read about your naked vacuuming neighbor...

    I have to admit that once David's parents came up unannounced and peered through the glass at the top of our door and I was vacuuming, dancing, and singing at the top of my lungs in my underwear. That'll teach them to call first... :-)

    That being said, I would not be doing that now with my toddler in the house and all the blinds open. And maybe her daughter is wearing the winter sweater to compensate for her mom's lack of clothes... I'm just sayin'.

  • ilovepink

    And I thought my neighbors are crazy!! HA! Thanks for stopping by! Your children are BEAUTIFUL!!

  • PamperingBeki

    Haha!!! This is why I stalk you!! Just to read things like this and assure myself that my life is not so bizarre after all. :)

  • gina

    OMGosh- I thought you were about to admit to being THIS lady-

    as I read the beginning of your post. You should go read it , because SOMEONE had a worse day then you. ;) lol.