OOPS! I did it again....

Thursday, October 16, 2008 |

And so the story goes....

As if I needed anything else to add to my complete and utter confusion at the gym, guess what I bought? A heart rate monitor. Yeah....you know there's a story coming with this one don't ya? So, I strap the sucker to my chest which is somewhat strange to begin with, I mean it feels like I work for the FBI or something, and should be going under cover somewhere. (hhmmmmm, now THAT'S an interesting concept!) I put the watch on which was programmed by a trainer with my information according to the results from my physical evaluation test, and I was ready to go. Of course I never bothered to read the instructional manual because well, I never read manuals. When I got ready to start my workout, I started the watch to monitor my heart rate/calories burned/ and to keep me in the right zones. And then it began. The beeping. The continual, LOUD, obnoxious beeping. It scared me so bad, I tripped off the treadmill, and an ELDERLY couple behind me rushed to my aid (well, I'm not so sure RUSHED would be the correct term....they had to help eachother off of their machines.....but either way, they came to me.) I assured them that I was okay, but they were more concerned about the beeping noise. They wanted to know why I was BEEPING!!!! I had no idea, so I said my watch was broken, thanked them for their concern, and walked away. I was still walking around beeping, and since I was so embarrassed, I tried to find an area where there wasn't anyone working out. I started doing leg machines, but the beeping was making me lose count of my reps. Then I figured out that if I put my headphones on and turned the music up really loud, I wouldn't here the beeping. So that's what I did. I actually totally forgot about my beeping wrist. There I was gettin' my fitness on, headphones blaring, completely oblivious to the fact that I was apparently annoying the crap out of three people doing lunges beside me. Finally I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and there is this GIGANTIC muscle man and two sports illustrated swim suit edition type girls with him. Oh, Lord, what had I done now?? What in the world did they want with me? I pulled my headphones off. The man says: "Did you know you are beeping?" me: "Yes, I think it's broken." man: "well, can't you turn it off?" me: "ummm, well, no. I don't know how." man: "do you care if I look at it? I'm the metabolic specialist here, I know how they work" I gave him my watch and he started pushing buttons. He then laughed and said "who programmed this for you, they gave you zero heart rate range! That's why you are beeping, in order for you not to beep you would have had to keep your heart rate at 135 the entire time, and that's impossible!" Okay, this is where I should have just shut up and thanked him.....but OH NO, of course I had to open my big mouth. I was soooo nervous and embarrassed by this time, that I didn't really comprehend what he had said to me. For some reason I thought he was saying that my heart rate was too high (don't ask me why I thought that, I have gone over this again and again in my mind, and I still come up with NOTHING.....it makes no sense) So I nervously blurt out "Well, I forgot to take my HEART WORM medication today, so that might be why it's so high!".................... ................ ................. .................? .............???? ................. HEART WORM????? All three of their mouths dropped and they just stared at me. In that split second (you know like in slow motion??) I went back over what I had just said. I thought I was going to die. Right there. At the gym. Beeping. "OH MY GOSH, I mean BLOOD PRESSURE medicine!!" I tried to laugh it off, but the damage was done. All at once they started laughing. BIG time laughing. BELLY laughing. I tried to cover my unbelievable humiliation by laughing, but seriously in that moment, all I wanted to do was cry!! Man handed me back watch and very sarcastically said "Have fun!"

So FIRSTTTTT, how in the world did I get heart WORM on the brain??? And seconddddddd, why did I have to say anything AT ALLLLLLLLLL????? I am so mortified right now, he probably went right downstairs and told everyone who works there. I mean, I could hear all three of them laughing the whole way out. Oh no, and it just occurred to me that if they start swapping stories amongst eachother, they might figure out that 1+1=2, and that this is the same girl that laid naked on the locker room floor with hand soap in her eyes!!!!! OH.MY.GOSH.

Moral of the story? Read instructional manuals. This WHOLEEEEEE charade could have been avoided had I just read the ding dang instructions. I might NEVER learn......but YOU still have a chance! Go! Now! Learn from my ridiculous mistakes! And don't forget to check back here often for more tips.......I'm sure there is more to come! EEEEEEK!

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  • Patricia

    You should preface these stories with not safe for work. I cannot hold that much laughter back from my very quiet co-workers. And it is rude to laugh in silence.... My husband is now a fan of your blog! He asks every night if you have any other funny stories. Oh, and he wants to know when you are coming to pick up your prize. Blame the man that God gave me for a husband (and his accomplices).

  • Sandi Hixson

    okay.........that brought out the belly laugh in me, along with tears running down my face!!!

  • Scrapper Mom

    Silly girl. Hearing your stories makes me not feel so bad. lol.

  • BethAnne

    Have you ever considered cancelling your gym membership and working out at home? Just a thought......I put my 66 things that make me happy on my blog today......

  • Hannah

    I can't stop laughing!

  • Anonymous

    That is too funny. You need to write a book on your life. Garantee it would be a best seller. Have you noticed that these things only happen to you?

  • Jennifer

    Ok girlie, I'm bustin' out laughing here and my kiddos just ran in to 'see what happened'. LOL I told them my bloggy friend had a funny story. LOL

    Now what would have happened if you were naked AND beeping! ROFL

  • Ann

    Heidi, I totally know why you said "heart worm". How long have we been talking about worms???

  • Shelley Hendrix

    Okay, girl, I have been under so many deadlines and tons of pressure this week, so I'm way behind on checking in with my blog friends, but I SO needed that laugh at your expense. I had tears in my eyes...soooo funny. You and I definitely need to spend more time together. You're good medicine, even if you're good "heart worm" medicine--I'll take it. ;-)

  • kathy reynolds

    I have never trusted girls that look like swimsuit models so don't you feel bad for one second!! You keep me rolling, thank you for keeping it real girlfriend

  • carroll

    That one made me cry tears from laughing so hard!!! You are too funny!!!

  • Danielle (Life with the Hewitt Family)

    I was just busting a gut laughing so hard and Carter kept asking me what was wrong! He was a little concerned because mommy was laughing so hard! You are so funny!

  • Susie Homemaker

    Oh good...I'm normal! Thank you!



  • Ivette Falcon

    Oh my word!! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!! (I can just see it now!)
    I love the part about how you turned up the music and pretended that nothing was happening. Can we say... Denial?!! Funny!!

  • Anonymous

    I'm with everyone else - you are THE BEST for a laugh! And a belly laugh at that. You take us there, and that, My Girl, is true art in the written form. I'm gonna begin an across-the-world chant... "Z-memiors! Z-memiors! Z-memiors!"... You gotta do it - you can no longer just keep yourself in Blogworld...

  • PamperingBeki


    Girl, I needed that belly laugh today so thank you for being you.

    I'm in tears giggling at your heart worms.

  • erin van dorin

    o.k...laughed so hard I forgot about my onions I was sauteeing on our cooktop at work...so the soup today is not potatoe...it is carmelized onion and potatoe...sure it will be a hit. I am also certain they have their own blog started at the gym....this one tops the eye episode. At least your clothes stayed on.

  • Lindsay-ann

    You are so funny. Maybe you could join a different gym!!!


  • Carol


    I linked over here from Connie's blog, she tagged me for the happiest things. And some how I started out with the car accident which had me laughing so hard I could I was doing that hyina laugh right along with your story.

    Then I ended up over here with the gym story. Tried to read them to my hubby, poor guys trying to have some quiet bible study, and I'm reading him your stories, and have to gain control of my self before I can go on.

    So I'm am deffinately come over here to hang out, just not when I'm at work.

    A new fan in bloggy land.


  • Rachel

    I needed that laugh! I am the worst klutz at the gym - which might explain why I haven't gone in YEARS.

    Thanks for the great post!

  • Susie Homemaker

    I have Book Tagged you...come join the fun on my page...see what you started!


  • Heidi

    Seriously, out of the bazillion blogs I have read, this post made me laugh the hardest.... Like, pee my pants, husband calling from the other room to see if I'm ok, wake the kids laughing. THANK YOU! I knew I picked a great BFF.

  • "Doe" The Female Deare

    I am new at blogging but I must say that I found your blog refreshing. Laughter is the best medicine.