S.C.A.R.Y

Watch this! We live in a very scary time!!

Pandora's Box

So since Pandora's box has been so graciously opened by my mother, my father, and NOW an old highschool friend, I am going to have to respond to the madness. But fair warning here.....THIS IS IT!! I refuse to humiliate myself any more on this blog. This will be the LAST humiliation post!! ............(YES! Of course I realize that is only a dream.....but it's MY blog, and I'm allowed to dream the completely impossible here!!)
Those of you who have other "stories" linked to my most witty ways, feel free to keep them to yourselves!! Unfortunately I can not control what gets leaked out, and well, because it's ME we're talking about here, there are quite a few "doosies" out there involving my bad self. I will attempt to defend my intelligence and dignity in the ones that have been brought up here on this blog, but notice I use the word ATTEMPT! I am going to give it a good effort, but as you will see, some of these "situations" are undefendable. I would have to plea either the fifth or insanity in a court of law, and even then I would get the death sentence. For sure. But for now I do solemnly swear that the following is all true. Regrettably.

Story number one. When I was somewhere around the age of fifteen, we were traveling from Iowa to Pennsylvania to visit my grandparents who lived there. We were driving on the interstate and there was a VERY VERY tall sign along the side of the rode. At the top (and I mean this sign was REALLY tall) it read: EMERGENCY PULL OFF HERE
I thought the sign was absolutely ridiculous and proceeded to ask my dad "How in the world would you get up there to pull it off, and then what would you do with it anyways?" Obviously my mind had gone in a completely different direction. I took it a little too literally.I was thinking there was a call box or something connected to the back of the sign or an emergency button you would slap when you got to the top, but couldn't figure out why you had to climb up a pole to get to it. In the middle of major traffic.
Needless to say at first my parents were speechless, and then upon realizing I was serious, about wrecked the car due to the uncontrollable laughter. At the time I soooooo didn't think it was funny. It took them forever to gain control of themselves and explain to me what the sign really meant.

My defense: I still say the sign was misleading. And why did it have to be so tall??

Story number two. After I graduated highschool, I worked as a waitress. I was always coming home with large amounts of cash. Because of this, I made frequent trips to the bank to deposit my money. During this time is when the banks started using those "night deposit boxes". When I heard of this new service, I was excited, because it meant I could swing by the bank right after I got off work each night and deposit my tips right away. So one night after work I did just that. I deposited my money in the "night drop" and went along my merry way. A few days later I was notified that several of my checks had bounced. I knew that this could not be possible because I had plenty of money in there. I called the bank and they argued with me. I asked them if they got my night deposit to which they said no. Immediately I started freaking out telling them that I deposited a large sum of cash using their new "SERVICE". The bank president then got involved and made all of the employees search everywhere, including reopening all the trash from the week. (banks keep their trash for a week or more due to crazies like me I guess....I know this because I worked at a bank once......uummmm, sooooo not THIS bank, but still a bank.....another post, another time) Anyways, when the money still didn't show up, I told my dad what had happened. My dad had his own home building business, and all of his business and personal accounts were with this bank. He was definitely well respected there. He was furious and called the bank himself. (Though, because he KNEW MEEEEEE, he questioned me, making SURE I had deposited the money, before making the call) Basically he threatened to pull all his accounts if this did not get resolved!! The president of the bank then requested a meeting with me and my dad and of course we went. We get into her office, I'm crying, and my dad is ticked and ready to withdraw all of his money. The woman starts apologizing saying that this has never happened before, assuring us that the bank will take responsibility, but first she would like to know EXACTLY when I made the deposit, what time, etc...etc.... Very indigently I start to tell my story ending with "and I put it RIGHT THERE!" pointing outside to...................................THE AIRBORNE EXPRESS MAILBOX!!!!! Oh yeah baby, I thought my dad stood a serious chance of being arrested for murder that day. Me being the victim of course.

My defense: I couldn't.......well, if she........was soooo dark.......hate boxes.....can't read very............Oh who am I kiddin'? I got nothin'. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Absolutely no defense on this one.

Story number three. This one is pretty self explanatory. Yes this happened to me while I was in college. I was pumping gas one night in the middle of winter (in IOWA), and it was so cold out that I decided to go inside to wait and pay. After paying I was so cold, all I could think about was getting back in my car and turning the heat on. As I pulled away from the pump, I thought I heard a thump (hey, I'm a poet and I didn't know it!), but didn't think that much about it. I got about a mile down the road and realized that people were honking at me. They were pointing at my gas tank. It then dawned on me that I had probably forgotten to replace my gas cap:0?) Imagine my surprise when I pulled over and found an entire GAS HOSE hanging out of my car!!!! I am ashamed to say that I was so embarrassed and mortified, that I yanked it out leaving it there along the side of the road!! Hey! If that's the WORST I did in college...we're good! Oh wait, that's not the worst.......hhmmmmm....moving on here......

My defense: Obviously since the picture above is not of ME, I am NOT the only one to have done this! It MUST be an every day occurance! I rest my case.

Story number four. One bright sunny day in the land of OZ.....I mean one day I decided to take my car through the car wash. In Georgia. Not Oz. Wish it were Oz, because then this would not be real, but no such luck, this IS real. Anyways, I was talking on my phone while I was "punching in the code" and not really paying much attention to what I was doing. The green light came on, and I moved forward. Still talking on my phone. When the light turned red I put on my brakes. Still talking on my phone. All of a sudden I started to feel a slight mist and realized that HOLY CRAP, I had forgotten to roll up the windows. I panicked, tried to get the windows rolled up and in my haste took my foot off the brake. My car lunged forward (it was a manual transmission) and before I knew what was happening, I was slapped in the face with what felt like a hundred wet belts. My glasses flew off, my phone must have flown out the window (never saw it again...), and my car was instantaneously filled with water.
This is where the details get a little sketchy, because I really don't remember how much longer I was in that torture chamber, or even if I finished the wash. I seriously think I was knocked unconscious for a while!
Yeah, this is the same car that was totalled a few months later in a pretty much standing still accident.

My defense: There was a cute boy at the gas pump who was definitely giving me "the eye" when I was getting my gas, and I was undoubtedly talking on the phone to a girlfriend about him which would EXPLAIN my absent mindedness while entering the car wash. I mean I was twenty four and NOT married people!!!! In the south that's a mortal sin!!!! I was simply trying to make things right between me and God. Rolling my windows up had NOTHING to do with getting married, therefore was LAST on my mind!

Okay, I hope this satisfies everyone for a while. A looooooong while. Because I am officially humiliated. There have been other "rumors" okay I mean true stories, mentioned about me here on this blog, but my A.D.D is on such overload right now that there is no way I can tell another one. If you only KNEW how long it has taken me to write these!! I would love to say that I attended some dingbat anonymous program or something, and that these occurrences are WELL within my past, but alas as I have stated before, I am a tragic magnet for chaos, so I am sure there will be more in the future........and maybe every ONCE in a while, I will reveal another PAST story!!!! Until then, Happy laughing! At my expense. You're welcome.

Movie Night

Last night Craig and I went to see this movie. I didn't tell him what the movie was about because if I did, I knew he wouldn't have wanted to go. I just told him that it was opening night for something that I had wanted to see for a long time. (Luckily he was running late getting home from work, and was just trying to actually MAKE the date, let alone inquire about what we were doing...)
Well, OF COURSE the second we get there we would have to run into our neighbors coming out of a movie. They asked us what movie we were going to see, and I tried to cough out Nights in the Rodanthe. I knew the second I said it that this particular neighbor would have a hay day with Craig. "WOW" he says "how'd she get you to take her to the chic movie of the year?" turns to me "whatever you did, don't tell MY wife how to do it! I'm not seeing that movie!!"
Craig looked at me with that "you're DEAD" look, and I pulled him into the theater before he could object.
If you know Craig, you know that he is a total MAN'S MAN, sports freak, beat 'em up slash 'em up type of movie guy . This movie was nothing short of PURE MISERY for him.
At one point the ladies (yes there were many Ladies groups in the theater.....maybe a handful of men...oops!) behind him were crying. He turns to me to make fun of them, and finds me crying too. At this point he says real loud "Are you serious?? This is the cheesiest thing I have ever seen!!" Then he proceeds to start laughing. I kicked him and told him to shut up.

My verdict for the movie was that it was okay. I enjoyed it, didn't come out hootin' and hollerin' (of course that may have been due to the fact that I thought there was a good chance that coming out I would find a hood of women waiting to fight Craig....)but it was worth seeing once I guess. I personally do not think that it compared to The Notebook though like they said it would. It served it's purpose. Created tears. Made men of all ages jealous that women of all ages still think Richard Gere has it goin' on ( and frankly I think that is the REAL reason Craig had such a problem with it....).

Just don't remind Craig about this movie. Ever. My "I owe you's" quadrupled after last night.......ggrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I had NOTHING to do with this!

Here is a conversation that occurred yesterday morning while we were all getting ready and before Ava went to school.
Ava looks at me, rolls her eyes, and gives me a once over. Word for word verbatim hand on hip she says: "Ummmm, mommy, if you're wearing THAT, you are NOT taking me to school!"
me: "what?"
Ava: "you can't be the one to take me to school!"
me: "AVA, I don't even get OUT of the car when I take you, we use the carpool! Why do you care?"
She looked at me again in my sweat shorts and t-shirt, then turned to her daddy and said: "Daddy, get out of the shower, YOU'RE taking me to school!!"
Craig to me: "SEEEEEEEEEEEE???????? I told you you created a monster!!!"
I get blamed for everything....hhhhhmmmpphhhhhhhhh!

Tag! I'm it!!!

My friend Tonda from Reflections of an Everyday Life tagged me, so I will of course play along!
The rules of the tag are as follows:
1.Post the rules on your blog.
2.Write six random things about yourself.
3.Tag six people at the end of your post.
4. If you are tagged, JUST DO IT, and pass the tag along.

So here are my six random things that you might not know about me:

1. I was in a car accident here in Atlanta about ten years ago. I was STOPPED on Barrett Parkway in the left turning lane at a red light, when all of a sudden I thought a gun went off when my air bag blew up in my face knocking my glasses off and splattering me with black "coal dust stuff". I had NO IDEA what was happening! In that split second I thought I had either been shot at, or my car was on fire, so I did the only thing I could think to do..........STOP, DROP, and ROLL. I threw open the door of my car and proceeded to ROLL on the grassy median. When I realized that none of my body parts were burning, I tried to collect my thoughts and stand up. By the time I stood up, looked at my white shirt covered in black soot and now grass stains, then finally surveying my surroundings, the "other members" of the apparent car accident that I had caused were out of their cars just staring at me!
APPARENTLY I must have seen the light turn green and GUNNED it before waiting my turn in line , causing a three car accident. OOPS! (I seriously have no recollection of that actual moment.)
Here's the real winner of the story, Obviously, if we were stopped at a light and within seconds a car accident has occurred, you know it couldn't have been at high speeds right?
So the damage would be minimal right? Well, IT WAS......for the other two cars. Bumper fender benders that's it (well, that and the girl in front of me who said she had whiplash.....oh, BAHUMBUG....whiplash??). However, MY CAR??? Totalled. Totally. NEVER to be driven again. The entire front end was smashed in.
So there I was without my glasses, LOOKING though I had been in a high speed chase that had ended with my expulsion from the car and harsh landing in a coal mine/grassy meadow, and I was the ONLY one that even halfway resembled an accident victim. EVEN THOUGH two cars and three other people had been involved. (who btw SHOULD have put their childhood training to use and stopped, dropped and rolled with me....but whatever!)
SEE??? I'm a MAGNET for ridiculous chaos. Always have been, apparently always will be...

2. I LOOOOOOOOVE to laugh!! As stated on my sidebar, it is seriously my favorite thing to do. (good thing huh? there's A lOT to laugh about in my life:) Well, God has a serious sense of humor, because the number one thing I love to do, he created in me, and let me tell you....my laugh is OBNOXIOUS!! I prefer to think of it as INFECTIOUS rather than OBNOXIOUS, but in the spirit of "keepin' it real", it's obnoxious!
I can't wait to ask God when I see him someday what was going through his head when he glued in my giggle box. He sooooo must have been having a particularly humor filled day.
I grew up with the nickname Heidi the hyena, and well, if you have actually met me, you know why. I have had old high school friends find me on facebook, and the first thing they want to know, is if I still have my laugh.
The last thing about my laugh (and this is just between you and me) is,.....want to know who my laugh annoys the heck out of?? My little bro. It drives him CRAZY!!! Naturally you can guess what I do to push his buttons a little...........just every NOW and THEN.......hee hee hee

3.I am a CLEAN FREAK.....or NEAT FREAK at the very least. My dad has so kindly passed down his OCD to me in the areas of neatness where EVERYTHING has a place.....and THAT'S where it should be. At ALL times. I have a hard time doing ANYTHING unless my house is spotless. Trust me, this is really not a good thing. It causes MUCH unneeded stress. I am working on this. FAILING, but working.

4.I'm a dingbat. (hey! this wasn't a post about NEW things about me....just random right?)
Having said that, I also have a VERY serious side to me that only close friends and family usually get let in on. I seriously enjoy and CHERISH deep relationships with people.
I feel that I maintain a healthy balance of fun and seriousness........I hope anyways.

5.I HATE to exercise....but I do it anyways. I am hoping that one day the excitement level will increase, but so far NO luck....Who invented exercise anyways? Isn't it eerily close to EXORCISM?? In that case, it definitely goes AGAINST my religion. Yeah, that's the ticket. IT GOES AGAINST MY RELIGION!!!

6. I bite my shirt just like a child would. Seriously. When I am sitting down watching TV or on the computer, I usually have the neck of my shirt in my mouth. Gross. I know. But you wanted random....

Okay, here is who I am tagging.....drum roll please.......
Hollie, Melanie, Canela, Bethanne, Beki, and Danielle

Another GREAT giveaway!!

In honor of her 75th blog post, my sweet SWEET friend Jayne from Bunny Chic Boutique is giving away these adorable items!!!! How STINKIN' cute is that halloween tote?
Go to her blog for the details on how to enter!!

SLEEPING????

Ok, there is a reason for this picture, but before I SHARE that reason, you must raise your right hand and repeat after me. Okay?
Ready? Right hands raised? Repeat this: "I, fellow stalker, I mean blogger, being of a sound mind...(oh scratch that part, might as well not make you swear to something that not even I can be honest about......let's just get to the jist of this...) I do solemnly swear that I will NEVER and I mean NEVER repeat this story to Heidi's husband Craig. I understand that he must never be informed of this small little post. I agree to keep this story within the walls of my own thoughts, and NEVER discuss this past the safety of this blog."
So is everybody on the same page here? If you can not keep this promise, then please leave the blog IMMEDIATELY and forget you ever saw anything!!!!

Okay, here we go.
Craig has a major problem of sleep walking, talking, yelling.....basically he's a nightmare to sleep with. (no pun intended) He has suffered from these sleep conditions since he was a child, he even fell off a hayloft when he was a boy, and continued to walk out of the barn waking up in the middle of a field while spending the night at a friends farm one time.
So of course since we have been married, I have been awakened to MANY different things in the middle of the night. Once when I was pregnant with Carter I woke up to a conversation he was having "on the phone" with someone, and I kid you not, this is what he said "yeah, man she's HUGE, I never KNEW a persons belly could look like that....pause......NO man, that DEFINITELY isn't happening" (assumption? s.e.x. .....what else DEFINITELY wouldn't be happening????) this is the point where I kicked him into an oblivion reality where he completely denied saying those things, and couldn't figure out why I was FUMING, and then was mad at ME for waking HIM up!!!

I have also awakened to him just sitting in the bed appearing to be "watching" me. Now let me tell you, that will MESS you up for REAL! I about came unglued the first time it happened screaming and scratching at him. All the while he is completely oblivious to what is going on due to the fact that he is SLEEPING!

BUT, the funniest thing that he does, and this is where your solemn oath comes in, is that probably a minimum of twice a week he gets out of the bed and walks to the bathroom sitting down on the toilet. He then continues to sit there and GRUNT a little....(btw...I'm laughing so hard right now I can barely type this...), he then spins the toilet paper roll around and around for maybe about thirty seconds or so. Now the kicker of all this is that he NEVER actually GOES to the bathroom. He just 'PRETENDS'!!!! He then stands up and returns to the bed. The reason I know this is all pretend, is that after about the fiftieth night of hearing this early in our marriage and thinking "who in the world has to do THAT in the middle of the night EVER, let alone several times a week?", I started getting up when he did and following him into the bathroom. I did this for about four nights, confirming that he was completely asleep and actually had NO idea that I was in there with him. I watched the WHOLE SCENARIO!!! It is totally OFF THE HOOK and UNBELIEVABLE to watch someone doing things they have no idea they are doing.

We have been married eight years, and this has been a "sure thing" all eight years. I am blogging about it now because it happened again last night, and while I was giggling to myself while he was "in the bathroom", I thought I JUST HAVE to blog about this!!!!

Now remember your OATH!!!!!

Cinnamon Sticks Boutique Giveaway!

You can win this adorable bangle by heading over to Cinnamon Sticks Boutique and entering in the giveaway!! Good luck!

Beach Pictures!!!

Sorry about ALL the pics....I just had so much fun taking them this past week. This is only a FRACTION of what I actually took!! ha! There are some more on my facebook account for my TRUE stalkers...hee hee hee...

On three different occassions we were able to see dolphins. One was right off the beach where we actually saw two FLIP out of the water and do circles in the air....it was incredible!! The other was on our pirate cruise, where the picture above was taken, and the third I didn't see but Craig and Carter could practically reach out and touch the MANY MANY dolphins that were swimming by their boat on the deep sea fishing trip they went on.
Everybody all together now.....AAAAWWWWWWWW!!!!!
The beach we went to this year is BY FAR my favorite beach that we have visited in the panhandle. The views, the sand, the surf.....OH MY, absolutely STUNNING!! I think we have definitely found our "return" stomping grounds.
Carter absolutely LOVES to "catch" things, and he will spend hours doing so. This was the catch of the day.

Uh huh.....that's ME....in a swimsuit (well, under a towel AND a child...and let me tell you, that's ALL you're getting)......on the blog for the world to see......NO MORE REQUESTS for pictures of me allowed!!! Ha!Ha!

So these are my three favorite people in the whole world , don't they make a beautiful picture?

Oh, this HURTS just looking at it.....I can TOTALLY hear that chair calling my name...

Craig and Carter being Craig and Carter......giving me heart attacks as each "toss" got higher...

This is one of my FAVES!!! LOVE the water hitting them!
There go my babies running after their daddy.

Always the sassifras that she is, she wanted to wear these out on the beach.....the answer was no. But, she definitely gets an A for effort.....she sure did try!!
These pictures were taken at one of our favorite places to hang in the panhandle. Destin commons, where there is tons of shopping, restaurants, ice cream places, movie theatre, and our personal favorite...the shooting water fountains!! This year we were smart and brought their swimsuits...(in previous years we just let them run in their clothes, and then they would FREEZE the whole way home!!) They had a BLAST running around and being KIDS!!!

One thing we do EVERY night on vacation is GET ICE CREAM!! We usually go to a different place each night after dinner and get our sugar fix!! The kids look forward to this as much as anything else because we don't let them have hardly any sugar at home. Plus, it just makes for a great vacation tradition that the whole family enjoys!!
Crazy bucketheads!!


This was taken at the community pool where our house was located. The pool was absolutely unbelievable. I've never seen one like this before. It was 12,000 square feet with waterfalls, fountains, and infiinity edges. It was AWESOME!

A big highlight of the trip was our Pirate Cruise. We took the kids on a "real" pirate cruise where pirates played pirate games with them, they swabbed the decks, pulled treasure out of the sea, got their faces painted, sang pirate songs, danced, and tons of other stuff!! It was sooo fun, and the kids are already asking if we can do it again the next time we go.
Just ONE of the beautiful sunsets we were able to enjoy. God sure does paint a stunning picture don't ya think?
Enough said.
Leave it to Carter and the Dover boys to climb the dunes...even though there was a large sign that said STAY OFF THE DUNES!!!
This was the street that our house was on.

AAArrrggghhhhhh!!