OOPS! Sorry! I would actually prefer to keep my boobs.

Thursday, June 30, 2011 |

Today started out RUFF, actually the twilight zone happenings started at about 10pm last night, but whatever, point is, I shoulda known the day was only going to get worse(yet, somehow I didn't....I never do.....*sigh*).
This morning I woke up to the dog whining and rubbing herself on MY side of the bed. Uh, excuse me, I love my dog and all but I'm not the one who cares for her. The smell and sight of dog food make me throw up in my mouth(notice I said THROW UP....not just "want to throw up"....actually THROW UP). Totally serious here, can't even walk down the dog food isle in grocery store, but that's a WHOLE nutha' post for anutha' day that includes an intercom announcement of "clean up on isle 8".
So anyways, back to my dog losing her mind by thinking that I was going to feed her. I realized that she was coming to me because well, no one else was in the house. Kids were at grandparents and Craig at work in Fl(he's coming home tonight.....yay!). I figured I could at least let her out to go to the bathroom, so I did. In her haste to get outside, her wagging tail knocked over a glass vase I had sitting on the stairs(no, NOT my fault for putting it there, I'm sure someone else is to blame;) Thanks Lilly(that's my dog's name in case you are wondering why I randomly am mentioning a Lilly. I don't even know any Lillys. Well, besides the Lilly on Y&R.....whom I actually don't know). Thanks. I only wish this was the worst of my day.

But OF COURSE it 'aint! I had to be somewhere this morning by 9. I backed the car out of the garage and then remembered that I had forgotten something inside. I jumped out of car and ran back in. Um, here is where you will see A.D.D. at it's best...or worst....whatever. The second I walked in kitchen I noticed dirty dishes in the sink(have I mentioned that I also have O.C.D.?.....and probably a whole bunch of other things that end in D and are attached to disorders, but for now we will only deal with what is obvious to everyone who knows me....including the entire medical field). Of course I had to get those dishes in the dishwasher. You know, in case the house inspector came or something. After I finished, I retrieved the forgotten receipt and went to grab my keys. For 20 minutes I searched HIGH and LOW, freaking out and blaming the dog for eating my keys. Then I remembered my car was running in the driveway. Not even 8:45 in the morning yet. *double sigh* And yet again, IF ONLY this was as bad as it got....*double sigh with a double vodka on the side*

The day went pretty good from there and things were looking bright again. Until about 3pm when I was calling to schedule my "yearly" appointment with my gynecologist office. And I told the nurse I would like to schedule my yearly.........mastectomy. Silence. "Hello?" Silence. Finally "Heidi, what do you mean?" (Uh, like...hello, ALL women get yearly mastectomy's, who are you anyways? An extremely uninformed intern????) Instead: "I haven't had a mastectomy in a couple years and I need to make an appointment"
I could bore you with the rest of the conversation that read like a script right out of the "who's on first" skit with Abbott and Castello, but really, do you REALLY need to know anymore? No. No you don't. Trust me, no you don't because when I realized what I had done(and no, I have indeed NOT figured out why, I mean how, I mean WHYYYYYYYYY I would have called a PAP SMEAR a mastectomy.....), I was so utterly mortified that all I could say was "Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number"(out of curiosity what exactly WOULD be the right number to dial for a YEARLY mastectomy.....)

The end. Oh wait, it's only 5:00. Ruh Row.

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